Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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