I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
