drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
