Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
