Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
