Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
