i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
