Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i already hear my dad disowning me
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
