but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
