I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
