It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
