he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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