i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you didnt know i had herpes?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize