About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
