Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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