booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize