Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
