Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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