Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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