i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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