if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
