literally had 100 drinks last night.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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