Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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