Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
