meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
