she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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