There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
