Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
