dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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