Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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