I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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