god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
