She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
