I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She needs sedatives and a leash
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
