The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
