Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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