He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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