Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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