what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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