he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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