You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
