loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
