I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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