Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
