If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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