maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
