I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
