I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
