the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
This is the high leading the old right now
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
