Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
