I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
