I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize