I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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