just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize