I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
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