Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
