there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
