YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
