tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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