how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
