before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
