dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
farters have to be the big spoon...
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
