they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
