we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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