i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
