I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
