Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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