When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
