Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
