It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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