I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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