I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
