Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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